Just A Memory
by Eden Alice Poe
Summary: Terra has been awakened. But she only has vague memories of her past, of her quarrel with the Titans. As she wanders the road on her way to Jump City, she thinks over this past. Of what had transpired and what she needs to do to right her wrongs.-Possible explanation for how she acted in 'Things Change'- an exercise for me to understand this character better -


I'm not sure what happened. My friends were there and then, everything was- It was- I think- Huh. I'm not too sure what happened.

I know it must've been a year, though. I found this newspaper tumbling down the road. It's kinda old and nasty, but it gave me a date. As far as I know, it's been a year since it happened. Since I betrayed them...

But that's not so important. I think I'm beginning to recognize this road. Yeah. There's Ben's Café. And the old amusement park. That's where me and that boy went, before I- but that's not important either. We had a good time before- No, Stop! Don't think about it!

... But I can't stop thinking about those great memories. Those good times we had. We were so happy then. Why can't it go back to the way it was before? Then again, it wasn't all sunshine and rainbows. There were a lot of rocky roads we went down. I guess I only made it worse when I...

No, I can't think about that! Just focus on here and now. Ben's Café on the side of the road. They have amazing pie there. I knew a place outside of New York that made some great cherry. But Ben's apple cobbler was the greatest! The place looks closed right now, though. It _is_ pretty late. Even the sun's setting now.

Reds, pinks, oranges. It's just painting the sky. Maybe if I follow it long enough, I'll make it to the city by the time the sun's completely set. Better start walking, I guess.

...

Jump City. A city I protected. A city I betrayed. A city where I lived, where I was fixed, where I fell, where I was broken. A city where I died.

Okay, not technically. I was very much alive the whole time. It was more a really long sleep. But a sleep in which many memories faded.

Childhood? As far as I know, there had never been one.

Parents? Your guess is as good as mine.

Friends? ... I suppose...

That was the tricky part of my memory. There was a lot of sameness for the longest time. A lot of moving around from place to place. Trying to find that special niche where I belonged, that place I could actually come back to, to a warm welcome. A home.

But each time, there was a great rush, a need to leave. Quickly.

Then... during another of these attempts at running away from my problems. I ran into _them_. The Titans.

They were a really weird group. A superhero team. I remember, at first, one of them had an instant liking for me, one seemed just as enthusiastic. A certain green boy seemed to really like me, a lot. But the other two seemed pretty neutral, even a little cautious. But I didn't pay much attention to that. Not at first.

They almost gave me a home. I could feel that I was very close to having this, this sense of family... But something happened. That need to run away came back, and then I found salvation.

Slade.

He saved me, trained me. Helped me learn. But it came at a cost.

A debt that I was okay with repaying.

The Titans had done something to me, right? I hated them, wanted them to suffer for this injustice... I think...

But then, they were so nice to me again. Even the one that doubted me the most began to trust me.

And that green boy. With that elfish face, those puppy dog eyes, that cute smile. He was... he was... he was perfect. And just when I thought I could really start my life over, with him maybe... Slade was back to convince me otherwise.

But I owed him, didn't I? I had to serve him to repay that debt. To show how grateful I was for him saving me.. from myself.

But did the Titans really need to suffer? Was it necessary for me to betray them the way I did? What was the point of letting Slade control Jump?

There must have been more to it all than that... But it's starting to make my head hurt thinking about it all. And as much as I'd love to go back to that tower, maybe try to straighten it all out with the Titans... I'm afraid they won't have me.

The two that were cautious before, they might be even more so now. And there was no way to know for certain how the others would feel about my betrayal or possible redemption. And that boy... he was especially a wild card. He could accept me with open arms, or he could be disgusted by me. He seemed to be fairly faithful, even towards the end, but... A lot can change. He probably moved on or is very close to completely moving on by now.

Maybe it would be for the best that I don't interfere with that. I should let him have a life. After all, I might still have loads of trouble following me...

Although I have reason to believe that I killed that man, Slade, I also have this sneaking suspicion that he's far from being the end of my problems.

He talked often enough of his back-up plans, of revenge schemes, should he ever cease living. He always had a plan in mind, even if someone put him six feet under, he'd find a way to strike back.

He was the reason, the cause for the troubles that I faced during my encounter with the Titans. And he was also the reason that I needed to get out of those troubles.

For all I know, his main beef was with them. Long before I entered the picture. I was just a nice pawn for him to use in his twisted game.

This only gives me more reason to _not_ meet with the Titans.

But what does that leave me? I remember I had powers at some point. Something to do with the earth... Either way, they're no use to me now. I can hardly remember my name, my friends, my past. Even as I think of it now, it's beginning to fade.

This is probably the best time for me to start over now. Heck, I made it to Jump, didn't I? And it's not like I have much dragging me down if I can barely remember what went on in my past.

A change will be good for me. Good for them. As long as I can start trying to make the most of it. Who knows? Maybe this life will be way better than the one I had to leave behind.

But a few things I don't want to forget now that they've come to my mind again. I'll remember these so that I can learn and not repeat my mistakes.

My name was Terra. I did horrible things.

But now I have a second chance.

Things have changed.

I'm not going to waste it this time.

...

The first part of this (the part originally done as a soliloquy for my theatre I class this past year) reached little over 250 words & gave me a 100 for a very important quiz grade. Which was really quite an accomplishment, considering how hard the teacher graded everyone. The project was supposed to be inspired by a Gobo (or 'go between') each of us made ourselves (mine can be viewed as the 'cover' for this fic. a scene of the sun setting above a road). I was fairly proud of myself for being able to write a narrative inspired by Terra's predicament, but without anyone ever catching on. ^^ But now, with the year ending, it seems only fit that I allow this bit that seemed to entertain my peers to entertain others.  
All that said, I couldn't help but add more to this. After all, 'Things Change' was a gross injustice for the fans, and though Teen Titans Go! is an okay consolation prize, it hardly makes up for that cliffhanger and the numerous questions left behind by the series. Questions we can only hope will be vaguely answered or made fun of with the new show or new shorts (which, as of this writing, CN still hasn't released _all_ of the 'New Teen Titans' shorts that were made).

Now, with summer starting soon, I will be back to (hopefully) writing more of 'Behind the Scenes' along with continuing/completing/officially abandoning older fics. Then again, I'm also trying to get more in touch with friends over the vacation - living too far from them takes it's toll over breaks - and I'm working on my skills as an artist (what very little I have on dA is pretty pathetic, but I digress).

I hope some Terra fans/haters found some form of joy or intrigue out of this. Normally my sympathy/hatred for the fallen Titan changes day to day, but taking a look inside her head (foggy as her memory was) ... It's given me a bit of perspective and helps me see that arc in season two in a different light. I hope this shows when I begin getting to that point in 'Behind the Scenes'.

(Wow, this was long-winded! Kudos to you if you actually read it all! XD)

As always, if you read, I hope you'll review. Give me pointers on what I failed at, praise me for what I did right, or leave a one-word response for me to figure out & obsess over. The choice is yours to make.


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